dishonesty as me

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to deny my self dishonesty, forgetting that I am programmed to be dishonest and I am allowing myself to participate in this dishonesty and that I am doing the best I can here and now.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to realize that this dishonesty is in fact who I am as I am still existing in the mind most of the time and forgetting that I am in a process of dismantling my programming and that I need to be kind to myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to realize that I exist in my secret mind of thoughts, feelings and emotions and that I have accepted this secret mind as the "the real me" not realizing that this is not who I really am.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to identify as me, as who I am with the mind rather than stopping my mind, rather than experiencing myself here with me as enough as breath as life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to present a picture of myself to the world which is a presentation of dishonesty, based on fear of letting go of my thoughts, feelings and emotions based on mind.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear letting go of who I am, my "identity", my past, my career, my though, feelings and emotions because i erroneously believe they are the real me when the real me is here, always present, undefined, not needing anything, not fearing anything, not hoping for anything.

This comes from a belief that there is something i will lose if I continue in this process. This comes from a belief that I must be nuts and that I have found a group of nuts to mirror my insanity and we're all fucking nuts and we're going to be really sorry some day when we find out out we were fooled again. That is a big fear that I forgive myself for accepting and allowing. Because how many times have I allowed myself to be fooled only to act surprised when the rug gets pulled out from under me which gets back to self-trust and how i forgive myself not trusting myself to know what is right for me but from this perspective how could I have ever trusted myself when I am a programmed system and what makes me think that now, all of the sudden, at this remarkable interval in my life, I have now FINALLY FOUND the ANSWER? I mean, REALLY, how do i even begin to trust myself??? I trust that air will be here for me to breath. that's about all I really trust. so I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to loose faith in self trust, thinking that once again I will fuck myself with some kind of fake enlightenment/way out /answer.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be embarrassed by my secret mind, operating in the 'belief' that anyone that would know the real me would see how self serving I am, and I would be ostracized and rejected.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear myself and to fear others as me as it will reveal the secret me and my secret mind.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create a false identity so that I may have license to remain in self dishonesty; to lie and deceive myself as others so that no one as me, can see the deception and truth of my dishonesty.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to resent myself for not being more honest with myself and with others as myself; preferring instead to remain in my bubble where I can just pretend I am "evolving" "progressing" "becoming more aware" instead of me being here.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to present myself as a "caring" person, as someone who is "positive" and "peaceful" when the truth is I have not allowed myself to realize the extent of my lack of self trust and self dishonesty and self judgment.

SF on the "third eye" construct

The application of forgiveness below is in response to reading the SR document on the forehead point, the "eye of consciousness."

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be directed by any outside agency, force or being.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe in the "third eye."

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to blindly believe in the significance of the third eye, not realizing it is a portal of enslavement and can be used to manipulate others and set-up enslavement agendas.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge myself in polarity: as worthy/unworthy within the "third" eye concept.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to sacrifice myself to consciousness, to the idea that there was a more profound understanding that I could gain beyond or outside myself.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing my unconditional acceptance in the idea that as one "progressed" the third eye opened and was a portal to greater consciousness.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be a slave to my desires and beliefs as it relates to the idea of the "third eye" and the attached idea of evolution.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe in the concept of evolution when teh reality of the world so belied this belief!

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to have completely disregarded common sense in the face of inequality, disparity, suffering; preferring instead to find personal comfort in the idea of "soul evolution" and the "third eye".

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge myself as more "evolved" because of my involvement in various spiritual techniques/tricks specifically designed to engage "the third eye."

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to have been an advocate of practices/meditations/spiritual paths that profess enlightenment.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be misguided by the white light construct utilizing the "third eye."

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to give my power away in exchange for feeling special for the ultimate reward of enlightenment.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that the "liberation of all sentient beings" was achievable through my devotion to the buddhas.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to place these buddhas above me, thereby making myself "less than" them.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not have equality and oneness as the most important feature of any "practice" that I engaged in.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe it was necessary to have performed over 100,000 prostrations in order to "purify" myself.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe it was necessary that I needed to say hundreds of thousands of prayers to the buddhas in order to "purify" my "defilements."

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to separate myself from me; believing the solution to suffering lay outside of me.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to take "refuge" in anyone or anything outside myself.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to exist in a bubble of my own spiritual materialism, disregarding the truth of me, in every moment.

Just fooling myself?

This is in response to my last video. At that time I felt a kind of euphoric experience of self awareness.

The Human Body via Sunette:
"In self awareness you become aware of the truth of you, the truth of self and it most certainly is not a beautiful, pretty, magnificent, great, extraordinary experience. It is not. If you in any way have a great, magnificient, extraordinary, beautiful euphoric experience of self awareness, self honesty, self realization -- you are mind fucking with yourself because none of it that exists in this existence if real at all."

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iOEBkbydVwM&feature=related

Me standing up

I see more clearly the ways I haven't stood up for myself as myself
There are times where I have avoided appearing to be the "bad guy/woman"" I have not consciously stood self-directed
Fears: If I stand up and really say what i am, what i want, I'm "mean"
If I stand up for myself I might not be liked.
fear: standing up:to be alone

I have a friend who needed a place to stay. He has been staying with me. Recently i have asked him to leave and he hasn't, coming up with various reasons why he shouldn't, why, if I am a "good friend" I would understand and not expect him to leave.Today when i have told him he needs to leave he still doesn't want to leave, he's not leaving voluntarily.

My response has been " I don't want to be the bad guy" so i have told him it's time to leave and he keeps coming up with excuses as to why he needs another week, etc.
and I let him stay.
so when I said I stand as me, as self direction, I was just fooling myself.

What happened in my childhood with my brothers I repeat now. I was young, i was taunted, abused and I didn't stand up to them.
I must have believed there was merit to their abuse and I was willing to sacrifice my self worth and put up with conditions and abuse.

Now this is really the same kind of abuse,self abuse, to not honor my own request....
Now it looks like i have to get angry and stand up to my friend and tell him it's time to go.
So, I did. He says he will leave on mon/tues.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be unable to let go of my need to be "nice"
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not stand up for myself
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel afraid of my own power
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to defer to another's needs over my own needs because i don't want there to be conflict
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel exhausted by my inability to stand up for my wants and needs
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to wanting to please people so they won't be angry with me
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel as if I do not have the same rights as another
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to want to please others at the cost of myself
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to want to hold onto situations, even though I am not happy, because it is easier than creating conflicts
I forgive myself for accepting allowing belief in the polarity of anger and sweetness or passivity; the polarity of bad and good.

We Pay for Our Chains

Costly chains, wrapped around my body
Controlling self, this wayward child
Who is it that believes in betrayal?

I forgive myself that I have accepted and prevented myself from full expression of myself.

I am the full expression of life.
I express life as I am breathing
I am life in full expression
Here and in this moment

I do not need anything or anyone to fully express who I am
Even when I may have moments where I have identified with my mind I am still my own sound frequency, my own sound expression; unique.

I am awareness

If I have moments when I deviate and identify with my mind I remain complete I remain free I remain expression; complete and vital to the unity of all life of which I am one and equal.

I stand as one and equal as the expression of life for all who here now and all who are to come

I challenge my habits based on thoughts, feelings and emotions and I stand one and equal with all that I have accepted and allowed and all that exists as my expression as self.

I am not of mind consciousness systems.I am not a picture. I am the expression of equality and oneness. I stand equal to all. I am not a preprogrammed existence. I am not my thoughts. I am a unique frequency of sound that expresses oneness and equality. I am open to full expression as who I am as one and equal.

I forgvie myself for accepting and allowing myself to represent who I am in picture forms and to represent myself to myself as a picture.
My expression is not of pictures. I am not energy. Who I am may not be completely known to me but I know who I am not. I am not my past lives.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be enamoured with the idea of the significance of past lives.

I trust myself as the expression of life

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not trust myself as expression of life.

I trust myself that I will face what it is I need to face so that I amy remain one and equal with all of life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to doubt my ability to face all that I have accepted and allowed.

I am not delusional; I am in truth one and equal to all of life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that I may be delusional in my expression as one and equal with all of Life

I trust that my physical body is my primary assistance in my manifestation as one and equal to all of life

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not trust my body.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to neglect my body.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not honor my body.

My body is my starting point.

I trust that stopping the mind, applying self forgiveness and living in self honesy is of assistance to all life including plants, animals, trees, the planet and all pure life essence.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not honor all life essence in all manifestations.

I trust that what I do in my standing as one and equal is of unconditional support of Nature, of all life essence.

Relationship Rut

Alice Bailey from the Dimensions:
Two minds relate, two minds desire sex, two minds start a Relationship; charging and recharging the relationship, cycling, recharging, charging up again and starting again, the beings become possessed by the relationship, it is exists on energy. Eventually the energy runs out. It becomes hard work to charge up and have sex. Eventually (usually) the relationship ends, the beings are off and on to another, to recharge and be introduced to new energy and all it does is charge and support the mind.

What if my first crush was on MYSELF? What a mountain of SHIT I could have been spared!

I forgive myself that I abandoned myself in the search for love
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to seek approval and attention outside myself
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to feel as if something were missing from me that caused me to go outside myself to validate myself
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed that I did not stop the cycle of relationships that have caused me to abandon myself
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to prefer checking out of my own life
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to think someone else has a better life
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to believe in the "energy" of a relationship
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to believe in "energy"
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to become trapped in the cultural norm of being in a relationship
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to want to be in a relationship
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to stay in relationships even though I was being dishonest with myself
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to be dishonest with myself about relationships
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself use relationships as a way to avoid being honest with myself
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to be relationships because it is easier than being alone
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to fear being alone
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to use relationships as a way to define myself
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to use relationships as a way to feel good about myself
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to use relationships to feel normal
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself believe in the concept of normal

Relationship Rut

Alice Bailey from the Dimensions:
Two minds relate, two minds desire sex, two minds start a Relationship; charging and recharging the relationship, cycling, recharging, charging up again and starting again, the beings become possessed by the relationship, it is exists on energy. Eventually the energy runs out. It becomes hard work to charge up and have sex. Eventually (usually) the relationship ends, the beings are off and on to another, to recharge and be introduced to new energy and all it does is charge and support the mind.

What if my first crush had been on MYSELF?

I forgive myself that I abandoned myself in the search for love
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to seek approval and attention outside myself
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to feel as if something were missing from me that caused me to go outside myself to validate myself
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed that I did not stop the cycle of relationships that have caused me to abandon myself
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to prefer checking out of my own life
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to think someone else had a better life
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to believe in the "energy" of a relationship
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to believe in "energy"
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to become trapped in the cultural norm of being in a relationship
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to want to be in a relationship
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to stay in relationships even though I was being dishonest with myself
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to be dishonest with myself about relationships in general
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself use relationships as a way to avoid being honest with myself
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to be in a relationship because it was preferable to being alone
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to fear being alone
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to use relationships as a way to define myself
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to use relationships as a way to feel good about myself
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to use relationships for sex