Over the past nine years I've had most of my friends move away and leave New York. I just learned that another close friend is moving far away. The main reason I live in NY is b/c of my work. and b/c of my elderly parents. Without my friends here I feel adrift.
I am not enough: just me, just myself! I reluctantly admit that I am not living a self directed life.
I would prefer to be a painter, rather than work for a publishing company but I am afraid that I will not earn enough money as a full time artist.
I live out my fear. Maybe it's good that so many of my friends are gone. It forces me to face what I have accepted without the distraction of friends.
Sometimes I actually feel sorry for myself, then I stop the mind, then it happens again, than i feel bad for feeling bad for feeling sorry for myself.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to have feelings of feeling "bad" b/c i feel sorry for myself!
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to wish that I was someone other than who and what I am, right here, right now
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel that I need friends around me in order to feel good about myself
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge myself that I have not become a full time artist
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think of myself as "less than" another who is living a self directed life
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to blame my parents for accepting and allowing a life for myself that is not what I ideally want
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel lonely and then to feel bad about feeling lonely
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for thinking that an outside agent can alleviate my feelings of loneliness
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to blame myself and for perceiving myself as self-centered and self absorbed
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to use my friends as a way to avoid myself
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