I am the Elite

My father tried to teach me that being competitive was an important virtue and that to be successful in this world I had to be willing to compete. Competition is the life blood of elitism.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe in competition

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to compete with others.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to want to be separate from others so that I could "distinguish" myself

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to seek in my life what has been best for me, not taking into consideration what is best for all.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to view myself as an "Elite" in the way that I separated myself from what is best for all.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to to view the "Elite" as separate from myself.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to engage in competitive behavior in order to foist myself up as an "Elite", in separation from the whole of humanity.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to blame the Elite, separating myself from them, thinking I am better than they are when in fact, because of my access to education, food, clothing and my general standard of living, I am elite.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to view the "Elite" as responsible for the majority of the world's problems and inequalities instead of realizing that I equally responsible.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to live in separation from the Elite

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to have the concept, "Elite"

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not forgive the so-called Elite of this world

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to indulge in blame for any one particular group when we are all equally responsible for this world.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to have preferred to blame rather than focus on a practical solution to the suffering and inequality in this world.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be separate from the so-called Elite, thereby compounding polarity within this world.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to have the false belief that through exposing the so-called Elite (within separation), that I am making a concrete, practical difference in the world.

Hide and Seek

I continue the process of seeing just how subtle my fears and dishonesties really are and how I let them "hide out" within me. More than just blame, more than denial, it is fear of revealing myself to myself, and to others.

I have the fear that I will not be able to commit myself FULLY to this process. I have fear that I lack the the self trust necessary for the starting point of self honesty and I forgive myself for allowing myself to not fully trust myself. This also makes me ashamed and I forgive myself for allowing myself to feel ashamed that I am not fully self honest.

I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to not realize that self trust is a SAFE starting point, that self trust is my greatest ally in not being a mind consciousness system, and that self trust is what will most assist me, now.

Self trust collapses for me if I allow my fear to take over...

I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to fear myself.

I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to fear my own decisions.

I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to fear my fears.

I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to fear my future.

I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to fear my mind.

I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to fear alienation from myself.

I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to fear not having blame as a excuse and the use of blame as a way to abdicate self responsibility.

I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to fear taking full self responsibility for myself.

I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to fear complete self honesty.

I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to fear that my complete self honesty will cause people to not like me

I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to fear people not liking me

I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to fear that self honesty will further separate me from others rather that becoming my expression of equality with all and the full realization of the oneness of everyone and all

I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to fear that my self honesty will make me depressed. This comes from the false belief that the suppression of my dishonesties resulted in a "happier" me. I forgive myself for suppressing my self honesty.

I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to fear self honesty because I have the false idea that I am incapable of self honesty.

I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to fear accepting who i am now, in this moment.

dishonesty as me

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to deny my self dishonesty, forgetting that I am programmed to be dishonest and I am allowing myself to participate in this dishonesty and that I am doing the best I can here and now.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to realize that this dishonesty is in fact who I am as I am still existing in the mind most of the time and forgetting that I am in a process of dismantling my programming and that I need to be kind to myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to realize that I exist in my secret mind of thoughts, feelings and emotions and that I have accepted this secret mind as the "the real me" not realizing that this is not who I really am.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to identify as me, as who I am with the mind rather than stopping my mind, rather than experiencing myself here with me as enough as breath as life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to present a picture of myself to the world which is a presentation of dishonesty, based on fear of letting go of my thoughts, feelings and emotions based on mind.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear letting go of who I am, my "identity", my past, my career, my though, feelings and emotions because i erroneously believe they are the real me when the real me is here, always present, undefined, not needing anything, not fearing anything, not hoping for anything.

This comes from a belief that there is something i will lose if I continue in this process. This comes from a belief that I must be nuts and that I have found a group of nuts to mirror my insanity and we're all fucking nuts and we're going to be really sorry some day when we find out out we were fooled again. That is a big fear that I forgive myself for accepting and allowing. Because how many times have I allowed myself to be fooled only to act surprised when the rug gets pulled out from under me which gets back to self-trust and how i forgive myself not trusting myself to know what is right for me but from this perspective how could I have ever trusted myself when I am a programmed system and what makes me think that now, all of the sudden, at this remarkable interval in my life, I have now FINALLY FOUND the ANSWER? I mean, REALLY, how do i even begin to trust myself??? I trust that air will be here for me to breath. that's about all I really trust. so I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to loose faith in self trust, thinking that once again I will fuck myself with some kind of fake enlightenment/way out /answer.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be embarrassed by my secret mind, operating in the 'belief' that anyone that would know the real me would see how self serving I am, and I would be ostracized and rejected.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear myself and to fear others as me as it will reveal the secret me and my secret mind.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create a false identity so that I may have license to remain in self dishonesty; to lie and deceive myself as others so that no one as me, can see the deception and truth of my dishonesty.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to resent myself for not being more honest with myself and with others as myself; preferring instead to remain in my bubble where I can just pretend I am "evolving" "progressing" "becoming more aware" instead of me being here.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to present myself as a "caring" person, as someone who is "positive" and "peaceful" when the truth is I have not allowed myself to realize the extent of my lack of self trust and self dishonesty and self judgment.

SF on the "third eye" construct

The application of forgiveness below is in response to reading the SR document on the forehead point, the "eye of consciousness."

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be directed by any outside agency, force or being.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe in the "third eye."

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to blindly believe in the significance of the third eye, not realizing it is a portal of enslavement and can be used to manipulate others and set-up enslavement agendas.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge myself in polarity: as worthy/unworthy within the "third" eye concept.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to sacrifice myself to consciousness, to the idea that there was a more profound understanding that I could gain beyond or outside myself.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing my unconditional acceptance in the idea that as one "progressed" the third eye opened and was a portal to greater consciousness.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be a slave to my desires and beliefs as it relates to the idea of the "third eye" and the attached idea of evolution.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe in the concept of evolution when teh reality of the world so belied this belief!

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to have completely disregarded common sense in the face of inequality, disparity, suffering; preferring instead to find personal comfort in the idea of "soul evolution" and the "third eye".

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge myself as more "evolved" because of my involvement in various spiritual techniques/tricks specifically designed to engage "the third eye."

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to have been an advocate of practices/meditations/spiritual paths that profess enlightenment.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be misguided by the white light construct utilizing the "third eye."

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to give my power away in exchange for feeling special for the ultimate reward of enlightenment.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that the "liberation of all sentient beings" was achievable through my devotion to the buddhas.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to place these buddhas above me, thereby making myself "less than" them.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not have equality and oneness as the most important feature of any "practice" that I engaged in.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe it was necessary to have performed over 100,000 prostrations in order to "purify" myself.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe it was necessary that I needed to say hundreds of thousands of prayers to the buddhas in order to "purify" my "defilements."

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to separate myself from me; believing the solution to suffering lay outside of me.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to take "refuge" in anyone or anything outside myself.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to exist in a bubble of my own spiritual materialism, disregarding the truth of me, in every moment.

Just fooling myself?

This is in response to my last video. At that time I felt a kind of euphoric experience of self awareness.

The Human Body via Sunette:
"In self awareness you become aware of the truth of you, the truth of self and it most certainly is not a beautiful, pretty, magnificent, great, extraordinary experience. It is not. If you in any way have a great, magnificient, extraordinary, beautiful euphoric experience of self awareness, self honesty, self realization -- you are mind fucking with yourself because none of it that exists in this existence if real at all."

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iOEBkbydVwM&feature=related

Me standing up

I see more clearly the ways I haven't stood up for myself as myself
There are times where I have avoided appearing to be the "bad guy/woman"" I have not consciously stood self-directed
Fears: If I stand up and really say what i am, what i want, I'm "mean"
If I stand up for myself I might not be liked.
fear: standing up:to be alone

I have a friend who needed a place to stay. He has been staying with me. Recently i have asked him to leave and he hasn't, coming up with various reasons why he shouldn't, why, if I am a "good friend" I would understand and not expect him to leave.Today when i have told him he needs to leave he still doesn't want to leave, he's not leaving voluntarily.

My response has been " I don't want to be the bad guy" so i have told him it's time to leave and he keeps coming up with excuses as to why he needs another week, etc.
and I let him stay.
so when I said I stand as me, as self direction, I was just fooling myself.

What happened in my childhood with my brothers I repeat now. I was young, i was taunted, abused and I didn't stand up to them.
I must have believed there was merit to their abuse and I was willing to sacrifice my self worth and put up with conditions and abuse.

Now this is really the same kind of abuse,self abuse, to not honor my own request....
Now it looks like i have to get angry and stand up to my friend and tell him it's time to go.
So, I did. He says he will leave on mon/tues.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be unable to let go of my need to be "nice"
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not stand up for myself
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel afraid of my own power
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to defer to another's needs over my own needs because i don't want there to be conflict
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel exhausted by my inability to stand up for my wants and needs
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to wanting to please people so they won't be angry with me
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel as if I do not have the same rights as another
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to want to please others at the cost of myself
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to want to hold onto situations, even though I am not happy, because it is easier than creating conflicts
I forgive myself for accepting allowing belief in the polarity of anger and sweetness or passivity; the polarity of bad and good.

We Pay for Our Chains

Costly chains, wrapped around my body
Controlling self, this wayward child
Who is it that believes in betrayal?

I forgive myself that I have accepted and prevented myself from full expression of myself.

I am the full expression of life.
I express life as I am breathing
I am life in full expression
Here and in this moment

I do not need anything or anyone to fully express who I am
Even when I may have moments where I have identified with my mind I am still my own sound frequency, my own sound expression; unique.

I am awareness

If I have moments when I deviate and identify with my mind I remain complete I remain free I remain expression; complete and vital to the unity of all life of which I am one and equal.

I stand as one and equal as the expression of life for all who here now and all who are to come

I challenge my habits based on thoughts, feelings and emotions and I stand one and equal with all that I have accepted and allowed and all that exists as my expression as self.

I am not of mind consciousness systems.I am not a picture. I am the expression of equality and oneness. I stand equal to all. I am not a preprogrammed existence. I am not my thoughts. I am a unique frequency of sound that expresses oneness and equality. I am open to full expression as who I am as one and equal.

I forgvie myself for accepting and allowing myself to represent who I am in picture forms and to represent myself to myself as a picture.
My expression is not of pictures. I am not energy. Who I am may not be completely known to me but I know who I am not. I am not my past lives.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be enamoured with the idea of the significance of past lives.

I trust myself as the expression of life

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not trust myself as expression of life.

I trust myself that I will face what it is I need to face so that I amy remain one and equal with all of life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to doubt my ability to face all that I have accepted and allowed.

I am not delusional; I am in truth one and equal to all of life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that I may be delusional in my expression as one and equal with all of Life

I trust that my physical body is my primary assistance in my manifestation as one and equal to all of life

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not trust my body.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to neglect my body.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not honor my body.

My body is my starting point.

I trust that stopping the mind, applying self forgiveness and living in self honesy is of assistance to all life including plants, animals, trees, the planet and all pure life essence.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not honor all life essence in all manifestations.

I trust that what I do in my standing as one and equal is of unconditional support of Nature, of all life essence.

Relationship Rut

Alice Bailey from the Dimensions:
Two minds relate, two minds desire sex, two minds start a Relationship; charging and recharging the relationship, cycling, recharging, charging up again and starting again, the beings become possessed by the relationship, it is exists on energy. Eventually the energy runs out. It becomes hard work to charge up and have sex. Eventually (usually) the relationship ends, the beings are off and on to another, to recharge and be introduced to new energy and all it does is charge and support the mind.

What if my first crush was on MYSELF? What a mountain of SHIT I could have been spared!

I forgive myself that I abandoned myself in the search for love
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to seek approval and attention outside myself
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to feel as if something were missing from me that caused me to go outside myself to validate myself
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed that I did not stop the cycle of relationships that have caused me to abandon myself
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to prefer checking out of my own life
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to think someone else has a better life
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to believe in the "energy" of a relationship
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to believe in "energy"
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to become trapped in the cultural norm of being in a relationship
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to want to be in a relationship
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to stay in relationships even though I was being dishonest with myself
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to be dishonest with myself about relationships
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself use relationships as a way to avoid being honest with myself
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to be relationships because it is easier than being alone
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to fear being alone
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to use relationships as a way to define myself
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to use relationships as a way to feel good about myself
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to use relationships to feel normal
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself believe in the concept of normal

Relationship Rut

Alice Bailey from the Dimensions:
Two minds relate, two minds desire sex, two minds start a Relationship; charging and recharging the relationship, cycling, recharging, charging up again and starting again, the beings become possessed by the relationship, it is exists on energy. Eventually the energy runs out. It becomes hard work to charge up and have sex. Eventually (usually) the relationship ends, the beings are off and on to another, to recharge and be introduced to new energy and all it does is charge and support the mind.

What if my first crush had been on MYSELF?

I forgive myself that I abandoned myself in the search for love
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to seek approval and attention outside myself
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to feel as if something were missing from me that caused me to go outside myself to validate myself
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed that I did not stop the cycle of relationships that have caused me to abandon myself
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to prefer checking out of my own life
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to think someone else had a better life
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to believe in the "energy" of a relationship
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to believe in "energy"
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to become trapped in the cultural norm of being in a relationship
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to want to be in a relationship
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to stay in relationships even though I was being dishonest with myself
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to be dishonest with myself about relationships in general
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself use relationships as a way to avoid being honest with myself
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to be in a relationship because it was preferable to being alone
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to fear being alone
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to use relationships as a way to define myself
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to use relationships as a way to feel good about myself
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to use relationships for sex

Pretense of Love

I look at my past life in the new age bullshit of Love and Light and Ascended Masters and Shaktis and mahavidyas and so on and so... If I can stop myself from throwing up I will forgive...

Cool Motherfuckers! Pretending and controlled and Silent
Walking in this world ignoring the world
We called it Love
We called it Real
Walking in this mess, in silence
That was my walk
Pretending,
That by being "POSITIVE" all will reverse

So I go into forgiveness, the forgiveness of all the people that I perceive have created my present self.
Investigating every thing that has happened.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to become preoccupied with the ideas of samadhi, the tantra, empowerment, dakinis etc

What the Fuck???

How is it possible that I live in a country like the United States...
A country where our congress has just authorized another 106 billion dollars for war in Afganistan and Iraq. How do I live with myself?
I feel sick.
I want to scream out on the streets, scream on the train, scream in my office....
We must stop this killing.
We must not allow this world to continue
We must not allow children to be killed by drones and poison and jacked-up soldiers who do as they're told.
How did we let our world come to this?
What can I do?
Does anyone out there have ANY ADVICE?

"No-one can enslave another = you can only enslave yourself. "

Thanks to this beautiful planet for providing me the opportunity to breathe and live another day.
The challenge is to challenge myself: my habitual behavior and programming.
I am in process, I am trusting myself, I am here.
When feelings come up that cause an emotional response I allow them, without judgment.
I forgive myself for these emotions and look to the roots so I can yank them out.
I observe my body to tell me where in my process I am fucking up.
I allow myself to have thoughts that are not in line with corrective application of forgiveness. Once I allow them and observe them and forgive them they have no power.

The Trigger: A Friend Moves Away

Over the past nine years I've had most of my friends move away and leave New York. I just learned that another close friend is moving far away. The main reason I live in NY is b/c of my work. and b/c of my elderly parents. Without my friends here I feel adrift.

I am not enough: just me, just myself! I reluctantly admit that I am not living a self directed life.

I would prefer to be a painter, rather than work for a publishing company but I am afraid that I will not earn enough money as a full time artist.

I live out my fear. Maybe it's good that so many of my friends are gone. It forces me to face what I have accepted without the distraction of friends.

Sometimes I actually feel sorry for myself, then I stop the mind, then it happens again, than i feel bad for feeling bad for feeling sorry for myself.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to have feelings of feeling "bad" b/c i feel sorry for myself!
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to wish that I was someone other than who and what I am, right here, right now
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel that I need friends around me in order to feel good about myself
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge myself that I have not become a full time artist
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think of myself as "less than" another who is living a self directed life
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to blame my parents for accepting and allowing a life for myself that is not what I ideally want
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel lonely and then to feel bad about feeling lonely
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for thinking that an outside agent can alleviate my feelings of loneliness
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to blame myself and for perceiving myself as self-centered and self absorbed
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to use my friends as a way to avoid myself

My Path to Self Honesty

Here I will attempt to bring myself into alignment with my intention to live in self-honesty and self forgiveness. I do not take naturally to spilling my guts in public. Like the vast majority of us, I have been managed and indoctrinated into a life of consumption and production and my story is universal and not very unique. My shyness and my egoic reticence represents my attachment to the system and the superficial comforts it affords: an "identity" as separate and unique, the illusion of energy, the idea of hierarchy, etc. etc...the HARM-ony of a self-contained slave.

How will I wrestle out of this? Not really sure. I will use the tools provided through the Desteni material: breathing, self forgiveness, and self honesty. Why do I take these tools as valid? I am following what began as a spontaneous agreement with myself that the information on the Desteni site was a way out.

We'll see about that!